NFL 101 Part #7 - Coaches, Special Teams, and Superlatives
By: Schwartz
Finally, we’ve come to the one thing that holds a team together - the coaching staff. This will be the last installment so I hope you’ve all enjoyed so far, and have fun reading this last piece! It’s going to be a little different than the rest of this project. The NFL list had one list of coaches; in the spirit of creating a lineup of the players, I’m going to pick just three coaches to discuss, and make a staff out of them. This final piece will also touch on the best special-teamers of all time and a review of the lineups, as well as some fun superlatives
Head Coach: Vince Lombardi
Offensive Coordinator: Bill Walsh
Defensive Coordinator: Bill Belichick
Three coaches, three eras, three roles. These are the leaders who I believe have the best cases for greatest coaches of all time. Personally, I think the title could belong to any of them, although I tend to lean towards Walsh. I just want to clarify, however, that being in the head coach position does not mean that this list holds Lombardi on a level above the others, rather that it means that each coach is in the role that makes best use of their expertise and strengths.
Lombardi falls into the head coach spot because above all else, he exemplified winning, to the point where his name is forever etched onto the Super Bowl trophy itself. Over his career, mostly at the helm of the Green Bay Packers, he attained a combined regular and postseason winning percentage of .750, including a dominant 9-1 record in postseason play. A coach who never experienced a losing season, the New York native led the Pack to five pre-merger NFL titles, and won the first two Super Bowls in such resounding fashion that many wondered out loud whether pitting the AFL against the NFL was even such a good idea. While he was the epitome of a tough, old-fashioned football coach, Lombardi was ahead of his time in many ways. Throughout his time in Green Bay he made it a priority to make the team a welcoming environment for the most talented players regardless of race, even in an era of existing Jim Crow segregation laws, always saying that he saw players as “neither black nor white- only Packer green and gold.”
As Lombardi set the standard for leadership in the NFL, Bill Walsh did the same in regards to offensive innovation. The Bay Area legend, who led both the Stanford Cardinal and the San Francisco 49ers during his career, is credited with developing the West Coast offense, which prioritized using every inch of the field from sideline to sideline and created high-percentage opportunities for Walsh’s quarterbacks. He implemented the system to perfection to say the least in San Francisco, putting together a dynastic run with Hall of Fame quarterback Joe Montana, the implied second-stringer on our all-time team, which included three Super Bowl titles, by way of a 10-4 postseason record. Walsh’s impact on football is still felt today, with many of the most prolific modern offenses running some adaptation of the West Coast system. His mentorship of strong assistants led to the rise of an extensive coaching tree, which includes top offensive minds such as Mike Shanahan (and indirectly his son, Kyle), Gary Kubiak, Mike Tomlin, Mike McCarthy, Andy Reid, Jon Gruden, Tony Dungy, John Harbaugh, and John’s brother Jim, the only coach on this list who has never been a champion.
Finally we arrive at the evil emperor, Bill Belichick. During a tremendous tenure in New England where he has been a champion more times than he’s smiled, Belichick one-upped Walsh and pieced together not one but two separate dynasties of 3 titles, each entirely different from a stylistic standpoint. The first relied upon brutal, stifling defenses, a trademark Belichick developed as the defensive coordinator of the New York Giants, where he developed such a strong strategy to upset Jim Kelly and the dominant Bills offense in Super Bowl XXV that the game plan itself has been enshrined in the football Hall of Fame. The second was perhaps more impressive from the standpoint of assembling a defense, as Belichick did not have the Hall of Fame level defensive talent he was able to employ in New Jersey, with the Giants, or his first Pats dynasty, but was able to be creative and resourceful enough to create elite defenses nonetheless. He would frequently accomplish this by using players other teams had cut or traded to New England in exchange for almost nothing, and who would routinely revert to their previous, unimpressive form in their next NFL home following Foxborough. It’s worth noting that Bill himself has been responsible for most of these acquisitions, as he also serves as the Patriots’ general manager. One fun piece of trivia about Belichick is that he even head coached the Cleveland Browns to their most recent playoff victory - there’s really nothing he can’t accomplish in the postseason. He’s about to face his greatest challenge yet, as he will seek to return to a championship level without Tom Brady, with whom he has won all of his Super Bowls in New England. The odds are stacked against the Pats to be sure, but with Belichick at the helm, I wouldn’t count out the possibility of him walking the sideline wearing a hoodie and a scowl all the way into the playoffs in January.
Kickers: Adam Vinatieri, Morten Andersen
Additions: Andersen
Cuts: Jan Stenerud
While it’s not the most exciting of my edits to the original list, I wanted my two kickers to be the embodiments of the two most important goals of the position; consistency of production, and clutch. That’s why I picked Morten Andersen, who stood for years as the NFL’s all-time leading scorer. The Danish-born star was a five time first-team All-Pro across a 25-season career and boasted an impressive range, hitting field goals from as far as 60 yards away. He managed to find his way onto both the 1980s and 90s all-decade squads, and along with Stenerud, who he pushed off of this list, is one of just two full-time placekickers to be enshrined in the Hall of Fame.
However, any fan with half a brain, and who watched any playoff football across the first decade of the 2000s, would bet on Adam Vinatieri to join them. One of the most clutch performers in pro history, Vinatieri hit a game-winning overtime kick on a snowy night in the iconic tuck rule game, and proceeded to knock two game winners through the uprights in the Pats’ next two Super Bowl appearances, providing 6 points in their third via a field goal and three extra points (New England won by 3). He also won a fourth ring by crossing over to the Patriots’ primary rival of the decade, the Indianapolis Colts, with whom he won another championship. Vinatieri, the starting placekicker on our team, holds a ridiculous amount of records, including consecutive field goals made (44), total games played (397), field goals made (599), and points scored (2,673).
Punters: Ray Guy, Shane Lechler
Changes: None
No surprises here; the player whose name is inscribed on the college punter of the year award stands as the greatest ever at his position. Ray Guy was a force on special teams, consistently pinning opponents in challenging field position to help prop up the Raiders defense. A 6 time first-team All-Pro, Guy boasts a stellar career average of 42.4 yards per punt, a category in which he led the league three times. There’s not too much to say about such a straightforward choice, but Guy was a player who silently added value for his team every time he kicked the ball.
Returner: Devin Hester
Additions: None
Cuts: Billy “White Shoes” Johnson
I thought it was a bit odd to have two players at such a niche position on the All-Time squad, so I removed Billy “White Shoes” Johnson and will turn to Devin Hester for both kick and punt return duties. Both players were famously quick in open space, and were lethal threats on special teams. However, Johnson was able to find the end zone in just three seasons of his career, and returned kicks and punts for just 8 total touchdowns. The two players had comparable yards per return numbers for both kicks and punts, but Hester took it to the house 5 times off of kick offs - not including his iconic runback of the opening kickoff in SB XLI, the fastest touchdown in Super Bowl history - and scored on a ridiculous 14 punt returns across his career, all but one of his return scores coming during his unique and electric tenure as a Chicago Bear.
Well that’s all! I hope you’ve all enjoyed, for me this was a really fun dive through NFL history, and a fantastic reminder of all of the stars who have come and gone, as well as the immense talent in the league today. I’m really excited to see which budding stars make the list when this practice is repeated for the league’s 125th anniversary - looking at you, Mahomes, Nelson, James, Bosa x2, Adams, Tua and McCaffrey. Just to summarize - here’s the starting lineup for our all-time team.
Offense:
QB: Tom Brady
HB: Jim Brown, OJ Simpson
WR: Jerry Rice, Randy Moss, Don Hutson (flex)
TE: Tony Gonzalez
LT: Joe Thomas
LG: John Hannah
C: Mike Webster
RG: Bruce Matthews
RT: Anthony Munoz
Defense:
DE: Bruce Smith
DT: Randy White- off the field for 3-4
DT: Mean Joe Greene
DE: Reggie White
LOLB: Jack Ham
MLB: Ray Lewis- off the field for 4-3
MLB: Dick Butkus- strong side for 3-4, Mike for 4-3, playcaller
ROLB: Lawrence Taylor
CB: Deion Sanders- top WR shadow
CB: Darrelle Revis
SS: Troy Polamalu
FS: Ronnie Lott
Nickelback: Charles Woodson
Well that is an extremely terrifying squad on both sides of the ball. If I had to pick one of those units to overwhelm the other I’d have to pick the defense, as even the best offensive line of all time would be hard pressed to slow down the defense’s front seven. But, with the freakish trio of Brady, Rice, and Simpson, it would be extremely unwise to count the offense out of any theoretical contest, even if they had to find a way to pick on either Sanders or Revis. I really hope this has been a fun read, I certainly had fun putting it together! Below are just a few random thoughts and accolades, now all that’s left to do is wait for football to start up again as soon as possible, and watch Tom Brady as a Buccaneer, Deshaun Watson attempt to play football as a 1 man vs 11 sport, and whatever madness transpires where Cam Newton, Jameis Winston, and hopefully one of Josh Gordon or Antonio Brown lands. See you all later.
Best Nicknames- the one category where I’ll allow players who missed the roster: Ochocinco (Chad Johnson. Legally his name so not quite a nickname but we’ll count it), White Shoes (Billy Johnson), The Fridge (William Perry), Beast Mode (Marshawn Lynch), Broadway Joe (Namath), Iron Mike (Webster), Night Train (Richard Lane), The Bus (Jerome Bettis), Megatron (Calvin Johnson), The Sheriff (Peyton Manning), The Juice (OJ Simpson), The Sanchize (Mark Sanchez. I don’t care that he isn’t even above average, his nickname is), Mean Joe Greene, and the winner; Primetime (Deion Sanders).
12th men of the year (anyone who made the team but missed the lineup is eligible): Joe Montana, Walter Payton, Marvin Harrison, Larry Fitzgerald, Ed Reed, Jonathan Ogden, JJ Watt, Rod Woodson, and the winners, one each for offense and defense; Rob Gronkowski and Jack Lambert
I’d like to grab a beer with that guy: Deion Sanders, Brett Favre, Peyton Manning, Mean Joe Greene, Mike Singletary, Earl Campbell, Mike Ditka even though he got cut, Rob Gronkowski, Ronnie Lott, Dick Butkus, Vince Lombardi and the winners, one each for offense and defense; Joe Thomas and Luke Kuechly.
Author’s note: there’s no defensive ends in this category, those guys are way too scary.
Toughest tough guy: JJ Watt, Earl Campbell, Jim Brown, Brett Favre, John Elway, Dick Butkus, Lawrence Taylor, Chuck Bednarik, Night Train Lane, John Randle, all of the offensive line starters, Mean Joe, Jack Lambert and frankly the whole Steel Curtain Defense, Walter Payton and every 1985 Bear, and the winners, one each for offense and defense; Ronnie Lott and Roger Staubach
Author’s note: I understand that picking a QB for “toughest” is a bit surprising, but this goes beyond football. Between winning the Heisman and making his pro debut, Staubach was a soldier, fighting in one of America’s most grueling wars ever, which is frankly tougher than anything anyone has ever gone through on a football field, and we have to recognize his service.
Most stacked position group: Defensive Tackle, Linebacker, and the winner; Wide Receiver
Most Handsome: Tom Brady
Most depressing choker: Peyton Manning, owner of 9 one-and-dones and exactly as many playoff comebacks as Super Bowl pick-sixes (two each).
Wes Welker, Ellis Hobbs, and everyone who touched Eli or Tyree during the helmet catch play, for their collective efforts in costing the Patriots two rings in four years, both versus the Giants
Dan Marino, who appeared in a whopping one Super Bowl, in his second year, which he lost, despite playing under Don Shula for almost his entire career.
Any person associated with the Vikings and their 30 title-free playoff runs. (But mostly kickers Blair Walsh and Gary Anderson, who both punctuated elite seasons with season-ending postseason shanks)
Kyle Shanahan, the maestro behind both the largest and (tied for) second largest Super Bowl collapses ever.
All of the late-60s Cleveland Browns, who were absolutely insane right until the Super Bowl became a thing but then stopped winning the second the SB era began.
Kevin Dyson, who admittedly made a nice play on a mediocre throw but ended up about a foot short of tying Super Bowl 34 on the last play.
And the winner, any player associated with the 90’s Bills, who went to, and lost, four consecutive Super Bowls
Author’s Note: The numbers associated with both the Vikings and Peyton are well-researched and correct- as staggering as they may be,t they are not hyperbole in any way
